


Looking Into the Heart of Light, the Silence

by Elske



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Babies, F/M, Gen, Misuse of the Force, babies are difficult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 17:05:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elske/pseuds/Elske
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Stop Crying Ben," she says, and he does, and oh, how she wishes he hadn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking Into the Heart of Light, the Silence

It feels like she hasn't slept in days, but she knows that's an overstatement because she remembers falling asleep at dinner, just a few hours ago. And Han had picked her up and carried her to bed, but it wasn't much longer until piercing screams woke her up again. 

She's pacing around in circles, in lazy figure eights, rocking her son and wishing he would just be quiet. Just for a little while. He's shrieking, and she finds herself whispering a soft counterpoint: stop crying, Ben. 

And then she says it once, loudly: Stop crying, Ben.

And he does. He stops crying and gives her a frozen glassy expression. It's like every cell in his body is informing her "Ben has stopped crying", and that's when Leia realized what she did, and she's clutching her son to her and sliding to the floor and sobbing in his place.

"It's okay," she manages, listening to her heart racing, and she gulps for air. "It's okay, Ben, you can cry you can scream you can do whatever you want, I'm sorry Ben, I'm so sorry," and then they're both crying and that's how Han finds them.

He deals with Ben first, settling the sleepy child into his bassinet, and then returns to take on the more difficult problem. 

Leia's face is ashen. "I used the Force, Han. I commanded him, I made him stop crying, I'm a monster." She looks down at her hands, then back up at her husband, and oh, this is why she didn't want to do this. She's evil inside, she thinks, just like her father, and what else happens when half of what makes up you are the same things that made up the greatest evil you've ever known?

(And years later she'll remember that night, remember that fear, remember that look in her son's eyes: Ben has stopped crying, Ben will not cry, Ben is strong and Ben is brave and Ben is not your Jedi becoming, not anymore.)

**Author's Note:**

> This is totally inspired by (although not part of) an AU my partner in crime & I are plotting. Even more than that, it's inspired by an article about how babies use methods of torture on their parents. So here we have it.


End file.
